His mind spun as he tried desperately to comprehend what had just taken place. One minute Clarence and Ferdinand were distant friends trying to catch up where they'd left off years ago; seconds later a screaming duck named Fauntleroy was taking aim with a freshly reloaded shotgun, intent on claiming a chocolate turnover, Ferdinand's life, or both.
Clarence reached to the small of his back and felt the comforting shape of the enchanted Narnian dagger that his sister had given him for Hanuka a couple of years ago. She'd worked as a set dresser on "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe" and had snatched it from James McAvoy's dressing room while he was in makeup with the intention of selling it as memorabilia. She'd been disappointed when it wouldn't show up in pictures making it impossible to list effectively on ebay. Charlene (Clarence's sister) had gifted it to Clarence with a note that said simply "cause you're a nerd". He had kept it on a shelf for a while next to his Sonic Screwdriver until he discovered, completely accidentally, that it was enchanted to obey the commands of it's owner.
Fauntleroy seethed with anger and the twin barrels of the shotgun shook visibly. The angry duck's face was covered by a death mask of frustration, madness and sloth bits. Clarence knew he had only seconds to act, to diffuse the situation. He also knew that if worst came to worst he wouldn't hesitate to use his magical dagger on the fowl who'd been the cause of so many of his life's problems. He lifted the back of his shirt and whispered "hover" to the dagger which smoothly lifted itself out of the sheath strapped to his back. It hung in the air silently, awaiting instructions from it's master, while Clarence prepared himself to "talk down" the fowl who was threatening his friend's life.
"Fauntleroy." Clarence said calmly. The duck shifted his aim violently towards his former employee and snarled "Have you ever heard of a sandwich shop that didn't have pickles of any kind?". Clarence didn't know what to say so he ignored the question. "What do you want Fauntleroy? What can we do to make this ok?" Clarence hoped he could get Fauntleroy to calm down, to listen to reason, but he knew deep down that the only likely resolution would involve more bloodshed.
"I only want what was promised to me." Fauntleroy motioned towards the brown paper bag Ferdinand held close and snorted. If Clarence hadn't been watching it happen he'd have sworn an angry bull had made the sound and he had to stifle a laugh despite the tense situation. Ferdinand immediately thrust the bag towards his boss, wanting nothing more than to get out of the situation with his health intact, but the sudden movement startled the elderly duck. His trigger finger tightened, both hammers fell and there was a crash of noise loud enough to deafen a god. Clarence blinked away a pair of involuntary tears. Where his best friend had stood there was only a slowly dissipating cloud of shredded brown paper, pastry crust, burned beef and bits of brown fur.
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