Tuesday, May 17, 2011

A Tale of Magic and Woe, set in an Arby's Restaurant. Part 3

The clerk smiled shyly at Clarence, he was a middle aged sloth with a name tag that said "Hi, my name is Matthias", and opened his mouth. Before he could say even a single letter Clarence cut him off, he knew what he wanted after all, by saying "Gimme a Big Montana, and don't try and tell me you don't have anything called that, just because some high muckity muck decided to change the name it doesn't mean you don't have a Big Montana. Also a large diet coke please." The clerk's smile got a little bigger as he rang up the order.

Clarence paid for his food, took the ticket and shuffled off to wait for his comfort food to be ready. He knew it was going to take a few minutes, after all there's something like 14 pounds of roast beef on one those things, so he headed towards the condiment bar to round up several packets of Arby's Sauce and some Horsey Sauce for good measure. Clarence sometimes thought he could sit and drink Arby's Sauce, it just tasted like pure sin to him, but the thought that something that good had to be bad kept his saucey lust in check.

While the sheep hoarded his white and red treasures Ferdinand stepped up to the counter to place his order. Ferdinand waited patiently for the clerk to greet him, there was a moment of awkward silence as the be-furred cashier tried to decide if his new customer would interrupt him like Clarence had, and then smiled as the sloth smoothly rattled off his practiced introduction. "Welcome to Arby's sir, would you like to try our brand new Chocolate Turnover? They're only available for a limited time!". Ferdinand had been waiting to hear exactly that. "I'll take 6 Turnovers, a Giant Beef & Chedder and a large Banana Milkshake."

It only took one look into Ferdinand's eyes for the clerk to know he wasn't kidding about the turnovers. The clerk rang up the order quickly and Ferdinand paid with a smile. He knew as well as Clarence that he was in for a bit of a wait but the giant paper bag waiting next to the order window made any wait worthwhile. That bag would soon be filled almost to the top with delicious, flaky turnovers, filled themselves with melty chocolate goodness. In the meantime Ferdinand could spend a few precious moments out of earshot of Mr. Fauntleroy to catch up with Clarence.

"I see you're still addicted to Arby's Sauce, I guess it's nice to know that some things never change no matter how many hypnosis sessions you attend!". Clarence smirked at Ferdinand as the monkey sidled up beside him and began to pull napkins from the dispenser. "I've been off the sauce for almost 2 years now, thank you very much, I'm just doing a little backsliding. It was a really crummy day at work so I decided to test Madame LeFarfuche's work." Ferdinand laughed with genuine amusement and replied "Clearly she was as good as she proclaimed to be, do you have her business card on you?".

"Listen" started Clarence. "I'm real sorry I left you with that horrible old man, things really weren't so bad and it's obvious he's gotten better if you're willing to eat lunch with him." "You're crazy! If you hadn't left when you did I'm positive the two of you would have been at each others' throats with framing knives and I'd have been the poor fool left to clean up the gizzards!" Ferdinand, ironically, looked sheepish as he talked to Clarence. "The only reason I'm out here with him today is because he threatened to take away my lunch break entirely unless I brought him with me. The old coot's lost his mind, do you know he wants me to design a frame made entirely of bread?!"

Clarence laughed out loud but immediately reigned in his guffaws, the last thing he needed was to get his best friend in trouble with Mr. Fauntleroy, and then glanced worriedly in the direction of the counter where the old duck was engaged in a heated debate with the shy sloth cashier. The sheep and the monkey knew this scenario all too well thanks to their years working for Mr. Fauntleroy and they were torn by a desire to save another sentient being from this pain and an equal need to avoid a lunatic's wrath.

After watching the verbal duel for 30 seconds it was clear to Clarence that he would have to intervene if he ever hoped to enjoy his lunch. He reluctantly placed the Arby's Sauce packets in a pile on the counter and took three long steps towards the counter, Mr. Fauntleroy and salvation for Matthias the Sloth's mortal soul.

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